Parenting as a Survivor

You Don’t Need to be a Supermom, You Just Need to be You, with Dr. Raquel Muller – Ep. 118

Comparing yourself to another person is debilitating, exhausting, and quite honestly one of the most detrimental things you can do to yourself, physically and emotionally. Trying to “keep up with the Jones” and do what they do is no way to live, yet so often many of us find ourselves going down this road.  Not only do we try and keep up with them, but we try and do things like them because they seem like they have it all together, and have it all figured out.

Their kids look happy and well behaved, their relationship looks like it’s perfect, and we figure if we do what they do, maybe some of that will rub off on us and we can fix what’s wrong with ourselves and our family. Or at the very least, we can be “doing it better” because there is always room for improvement, right?

dr raquel muller - podcast - beyond your pastI’m not here to say that we shouldn’t strive to better ourselves or try an improve certain aspects of our lives and relationships, but there is something to be said for just being you. Being ok with who you are, where you are, the way you parent your children and the relationship you have with your spouse.  The very idea of being content in your life, particularly in the area of parenting, is the subject of this episode of the podcast, with Dr. Raquel Muller.

Licensed Psychologist turned Coach and Speaker helping moms bust the “supermom” myth and become more calm, effective, confident, and joyfully imperfect moms. Dr. Muller is not only a moms’ coach, but she also a mother

As a wife, mother of two, and professional therapist for 17 years I have also struggled with the conflicting and multiple demands of raising a family and being a loving and attentive partner, while also pursuing personal fulfillment through my career. In my work I use my professional skills and personal experiences to teach moms–whether they work outside of the home or dedicate themselves exclusively to their families– strategies to help them bust the “supermom” myth so they can reduce stress and be more calm, confident, happy and effective mothers.

During our, Dr. Muller and I discuss:

  • How she began working with women, and moms in particular, and how her own experiences in life lead her to the decision of helping moms and trauma survivors.
  • Dr. Muller shares her combined approach of trauma work, using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and the TEAM approach, which teaches that the agenda of therapy is not dictated by a therapist, or a diagnosis, but rather by what the client wants to work on.
    • We also discuss exactly what CBT is, because let’s be real, the mental health world is full of acronyms and we always want to make sure everyone is informed.
  • What exactly is a “supermom”, the pressures of trying to be perfect, and live up to the unrealistic expectations we put on ourselves because of what we see others doing?
  • Key elements that are important in helping to heal from trauma. While Dr. Muller specializes in working with women, these principals are universal for all survivors.
    • Work on your mindset
    • Operate from Overflow
    • Master Self-Acceptance
    • Activate Self-Compassion
    • Nurture Your Relationships
  • We talk more about the self-acceptance and self-compassion aspects, and how difficult that is especially for trauma survivors.
  • The most important thing to remember when beginning to work on your trauma and change the supermom or super parent mentality.

All this and more during my chat with Dr. Raquel Muller on being a survivor, a mother, and learning to be okay with who you are, and just as you are, and know that you are good enough.

To learn more about Dr. Muller, including her work as a therapist, her videos, and more about busting the supermom myth, head over to https://www.joyfulimperfectioncounseling.com/  You can also follow her on Instagram and Facebook by searching for “JoyfulImperfectionCounseling”.

Be sure and subscribe to Beyond Your Past on your favorite podcasting app and consider sharing this episode with someone who might benefit from it.

Matthew Pappas, CLC, MPNLP

free one hour coaching sessions - beyond your past

 

 

 

 

 

 

All conversation and information exchanged during participation on the Beyond Your Past Podcast, on BeyondYourPast.com, and BeyondYourPastRadio.com is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing on these podcasts or posted on the above-mentioned websites are supplements for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers.

Parenting as a Survivor of Childhood Trauma and Healing Your Past, with Jeremy Schneider, MFT – Ep. 111

If there’s one thing you realize when you become a parent, it’s that for all of resources available, there is no end-all-be-all rulebook on how to raise children. Sure there are countless books and resources available, each offering their take on best practices to employ, but as any parent knows, a child can create a scenario that throws a wrench in even the best of strategies.

Add in the struggles of being a survivor of childhood trauma, and the parenting challenges can take on a whole new level. You want to do everything possible to care for your children, keep them safe, spend time with them, and show them unconditional love, but that’s not always easy to do when you are coping with triggers and memories that can be brought on be situations you never see coming and course your children are completely unaware of.

jeremy schneider, mft - parenting as a survivor of childhood trauma and healing your past - podcast guest - beyond your pastThese struggles and so many others can cause a great deal of stress for even the most veteran of parents.  My guest on this episode of the podcast, Jeremy Schneider, shares his experience in this area and how it inspired him to “Fatherhood in 40-minute Snapshots”.

Jeremy G. Schneider is a marriage and family therapist whose career spans more than 15 years of working with individuals and families, focusing on parenting, relationships and mental health. For his work, he has been a featured in The New York Times, TODAY, and CNN and has been a speaker on panels in New York, Philadelphia, Dallas, and Liverpool, England. Jeremy lives and works in New York City with his wife, Gem, and his son and daughter, Lucas and Dorit.

During our chat on the podcast, Jeremy and I dive into some aspects of parenting as a survivor of childhood trauma:

  • At 9 years old, he realized that not only did he have things he needed to work on in his own life due to a traumatic childhood, but that he wanted to be a therapist when he grew up.
  • During grad school he came to a greater understanding of both himself and his family, and that if he was going to help others he also had to learn how to help himself.
  • One of the most challenging things about coming to terms with a traumatic childhood is not only, “this is what happened to us and we had to deal with those events as a child”, but also now as adults, “we are the ones who have to do the work to heal”.
    • How facing your past allows you to be much more free than if you continually run from it.
  • How the trauma he experienced as a child still causes him to struggle at times today, but even with that ongoing struggle the realization that life is so much better now than ever before because he continues to put in the hard work of healing.
    • Understanding that just because you will struggle as an adult, doesn’t mean that we should just not even bother to try to heal.
  • He shares about his inspiration for writing “Fatherhood in 40-minute Snapshots” and how the experience of writing has changed him, and his perspective on life and parenting.

My chat with Jeremy Schneider was such a great experience and I’m honored to have the opportunity to share some of his story with you here on the podcast. I hope you’ll consider checking out his current book, as well as his memoir due out in mid 2019.

Be sure and follow Jeremy on Twitter and Facebook, and on his website, JGS.net. You can pick up your copy of Fatherhood in 40-minute Snapshots, on Amazon.

-Matthew Pappas, CLC, MPNLP

free one hour coaching sessions - beyond your past

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All conversation and information exchanged during participation on the Beyond Your Past Podcast, on BeyondYourPast.com, and BeyondYourPastRadio.com is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing on these podcasts or posted on the above mentioned websites are supplements for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers.

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