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How Childhood Trauma Affects Your Relationships & Boundaries, with Vennie Kocsis – Ep. 130

I’m honored to welcome back returning guest, Vennie Kocsis, as we continue our conversation on how childhood trauma manifests itself in your life, both physically and emotionally. In particular, we’re discussing the effects on dating and romantic relationships.

In Part I, we discussed the Physiology of Childhood Trauma, and how it affects not only emotional healthVennie Kocsis - Guest Podcast - Beyond Your Past but physical health as well. Vennie shares from her personal experiences as a survivor, as well as the research she has done to show just how trauma plays a profound part in the development both emotionally and physically. If you haven’t heard that episode already, I encourage you to check out here or on your favorite podcasting app.

We had originally intended to dive into more areas, beyond relationships alone, during this episode but as often happens, there is so much to cover that we thought it best to focus our time on this important part of survivor life. While relationships can be difficult to understand and navigate for anyone, the unique struggles that childhood trauma brings into the equation, add a dimension that not everyone can understand.

Vennie Kocsis is an author, poet, artist, and survivor of Sam Fife’s Move of God cult.  My creativity is the therapy by which I have survived the memories of abuse I suffered in my childhood. There are many caves where memories hideout, and I intend to travel them all in this lifetime. I understand the journey through trauma recovery, and I am here to share it with you.

I am a highly-sensitive, embodied Empath and integrated DID carrier.  I productively live with the aftermath left over from extreme child abuse. I  understand the journey through recovering from the shattering of religious and sexual abuse recovery.  I know the work it takes in returning to our original, authentic mind and inner child.  It CAN happen for you.  It WILL happen for you.  You can integrate the dissected pieces of yourself.  You can heal.  You can tell your story from a place of truth and vulnerability, rejecting critics and owning your own strength. I believe you.  I support you.  I am cheering you on! 

During this episode of the podcast, Vennie and I discuss some of the struggles for survivors and relationships:

  • The importance that “no means no” regardless of the tone of voice you use to verbalize it.
    • Understanding the fear aspect, and how “the way we say no” to someone, can be based on your past experiences of sexual abuse.
    • How dissociation can take over when you are in a romantic situation with someone, even if they are completely safe?
  • Understanding why survivors tend to try and justify the actions of others because of the grooming that affected our self-worth.
  • Healthy boundaries: not only the importance of having them in the dating and relationship world, but also the struggles of trying to find a way to implement and enforce them.
  • Being in a healthy relationship that ends, and the challenge of not going down the road of self-shame and self-blame for the reasons it ended.
  • Can a little bit of hypervigilance be healthy in the dating world?
  • Even in a seemingly safe social situation, triggers can arise that make us feel unsafe, and why it’s okay to remove yourself and not feel bad about it.
  • The trial and error that is part of dating and relationships for everyone, but especially for trauma survivors and knowing that even if you do something that you regret, it’s not the end of the world and you can learn from it and move on without self-shame.

This is such an important topic, and we hope you’ll share this episode with someone who might benefit from it. After all, everyone can use alittle validation and encouragement in this area, right?

Be sure and follow Vennie on VennieKocsis.com and TwitterPinterest, and Facebook.

-Matthew Pappas, CLC, MPNLP

 

 

The Physiology of Childhood Trauma, how Abuse Affects our Mental and Physical Health, with Vennie Kocsis – Ep. 129

My returning guest for this episode is my good friend, fellow survivor, and advocate for survivors of childhood trauma, Vennie Kocsis.

I first connected with Vennie during the early stages of reaching out for support online from the survivor community. I still remember like it was yesterday, she had responded to an article I wrote on Surviving My Past and we began chatting and keeping in touch over the years. She’s joined me for 2 previous episodes which have morphed into an ongoing series where we discuss how childhood trauma manifests itself in adulthood and the effects it has on our bodies both at a young age and as we grow into adulthood.

Vennie Kocsis is an author, poet, artist, and survivor of Sam Fife’s Move of God cult.  My creativity is the therapy by which I have survived the memories of abuse I suffered in my childhood. There are many caves where memories hideout, and I intend to travel them all in this lifetime. I understand the journey through trauma recovery, and I am here to share it with you.

I am a highly-sensitive, embodied Empath and integrated DID carrier.  I productively live with the aftermath left over from extreme child abuse. I  understand the journey through recovering from the shattering of religious and sexual abuse recovery.  I know the work it takes in returning to our original, authentic mind and inner child.  It CAN happen for you.  It WILL happen for you.  You can integrate the dissected pieces of yourself.  You can heal.  You can tell your story from a place of truth and vulnerability, rejecting critics and owning your own strength. I believe you.  I support you.  I am cheering you on! 

During this episode, we are talking about the Physiology of Childhood Trauma, and how sexual abuse affects not only our mental health but also our physical health. These effects can carry over into adulthood and cause not only the physical struggles of chronic illness and pain but the deep wounds created by the trauma create emotional challenges that affect virtually every aspect of our life.

Vennie has done a great deal of research on this topic and shares some of that knowledge during our chat, as well as her own personal experiences of the abuse she suffered and the ways she continues to heal herself.

  • We also cover some of the misconceptions of childhood sexual abuse, and how it’s not always violent in nature.
  • The connection between the biological DNA change of the body’s bacterial defenses when a child begins to eat the same solid foods as the family AND the nervous system at the end of the spinal cord which runs into the brain.
  • The damage to the physiology of a child when they are so young and how this can lead to misinterpretations of their body as they get older.

Vennie and I share this candid discussion because it’s the things that not everyone wants to talk about. These are some of the effects of childhood trauma that not only she herself has experienced, but so many others as well, and that’s why we are doing this series. To shed light on how being a survivor of childhood trauma affects you as an adult, but also to share the hope in healing and the important research that’s being down by leading experts across the globe to better understand not only how is affected but also how we can heal.

Be sure and follow Vennie on VennieKocsis.com and Twitter, Pinterest, and Facebook.

Look for more of our chat and we continue this discussion during part II coming up on March 28, 2019!

Matthew Pappas, CLC, MPNLP

 

All conversation and information exchanged during participation on the Beyond Your Past Podcast, on BeyondYourPast.com, and BeyondYourPastRadio.com is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing on these podcasts or posted on the above-mentioned websites are supplements for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers.

Podcast – Ep. 77 – Vennie Kocsis – Healing from Childhood Trauma, Learning to Love Yourself

Vennie Kocsis - Guest Podcast - Beyond Your PastWelcome to Part II, of my new series with Author, Artist, Poet, and Incredible Survivor, Vennie Kocsis. I’m so excited to be recording this series with Vennie, because the message she has, from her own lived experience is one that countless survivors can relate too. Plus, I enjoy being able to help support her work and message any way that I can because it’s helped me in my own journey.

Vennie is an author, artist, poetry writer, and survivor of Sam Fife’s Move of God cult.  My creativity is the therapy by which I have survived the memories of my childhood abuse. There are many  caves where memories hide out, and I intend to travel them all in this lifetime. I am raw. I am flawed. I am open and here without shame, to tell the true story of my own childhood. I write to survive, and I write for those who cannot find the words to tell their own story. Most of all, I write for those who cannot express it. For you, I give my heart and all of my tender parts.

In the first episode of this series, How Trauma Manifests Itself in Adulthood, we talked about the struggle with food. This is something that is close to both of our hearts, and during the show we share many lived experiences in areas such as:

  • Self Shame with how, when, and what we eat.
  • Why dieting doesn’t work for us
  • Reparenting ourselves when it comes to food
  • Moderation
  • Lifestyle Changes
  • and more!

In Part II, we’re talking about some of Vennie’s own personal survivor story, which includes enduring childhood sexual abuse, and being raised in a religious cult.  You’ll hear some of the tragic circumstances, grooming, and brainwashing that inspired her write her best-selling book, Cult Child. Through it all she is here to share her story, in her own unique and personal way, to not only continue her own healing journey but also her passion of reaching others and being a voice for those who are unable to speak their truth.

Along with her story, we spend a lot of time discussing what it means to love ourselves, as a survivor. We explore that means for her, how I’ve learned to do that for myself, and how you can explore that in your own life. As you’ll hear, it’s important to remember that the way we choose to do this is an individual experience, a very personal and heartfelt part of healing.

We’ll discuss how journaling and post-it notes can play a huge role, especially early on in the process. Writing letters, embracing the mindset shift, working through the pain and anger, and realizing that as an adult, free from abuse, nobody has the right to tell us that we can’t love ourselves, or that we don’t get to heal.  What an incredibly liberating time when we get to that point, and as Vennie shares, it opens up a whole new world of healing and speaking our truth.

We cover all this and much more, so grab those headphones or plug us into your speakers and join us for the next installment in the series, How Trauma Manifests Itself in Adulthood.

Be sure and follow Vennie on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook, @VennieKocsis.  You see her artwork, read her poetry, and pick up a copy of her book, Cult Child, at VennieKocsis.com

-Matt Pappas

 

 

 

 

 

 

All conversation and information exchanged during participation on the Beyond Your Past Podcast, on BeyondYourPast.com, and BeyondYourPastRadio.com is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing on these podcasts or posted on the above mentioned websites are supplements for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers.

Podcast – Ep. 76 – Vennie Kocsis – How Trauma Manifests Itself in Adulthood – Food Struggles

Trauma manifests itself in so many ways in our adult lives. While we’d like to think that “what happened in the past, stays in the past”, the unfortunate reality is that regardless of when a traumatic event(s) occurred, the effects last long into adulthood.  That’s not to say that there isn’t hope for healing, because I absolutely believe that there is, but we must first understand what’s happened and then we can begin to heal from it.

For someone who spent about 30 years ignoring those effects, it was quite a shock when I finally did start to confront all those memories and bring them to the forefront instead of leaving them stuffed away in a shoe box, in the back of the closet of my mind. “Out of sight, Out of mind” can no longer be an option when we start to deep dive into recovery. As intimidating as that can be, it’s also an opportunity to learn more about ourselves. Being able to put the puzzle pieces in place, and shine light in the dark corners of our minds can yield incredible awareness and lead to self-compassion in ways that we never dreamed of.

Vennie Kocsis - Guest Podcast - Beyond Your Past

One of the struggles that I have faced my entire life, and most certainly as a result of childhood trauma, is in the area of food. Or better put, realizing out how unhealthy of a relationship I’d had with it for most of my life and finding ways to turn that around. Not out of guilt, but out of self-awareness and compassion for who I was, what I went through, and where I wanted to see myself in the future.

My guest, Vennie Kocsis, joins me on this episode of the podcast to discuss this particular aspect of how trauma manifests itself in our lives.

Vennie is an author, artist, poetry writer, and survivor survivor of Sam Fife’s Move of God cult.  My creativity is the therapy by which I have survived the memories of my childhood abuse. There are many  caves where memories hide out, and I intend to travel them all in this lifetime. I am raw. I am flawed. I am open and here without shame, to tell the true story of my own childhood. I write to survive, and I write for those who cannot find the words to tell their own story. Most of all, I write for those who cannot express it. For you, I give my heart and all of my tender parts.

I first met Vennie several years ago, through Twitter, and almost immediately we hit it off as friends and fellow survivors. Our mutual respect for each other as survivors and being willing to share so openly about our struggles, helped form a lasting bond of friendship that I value so much.

Her insight into the world of surviving some of the most horrific abuse imaginable has helped her in using her voice and talents to reach a huge audience with a message of hope and resilience. A message of finding ways to tell your story, and not be ashamed in asking for help.  To that end, not being ashamed to admit that she is still a work in progress, as we all are on our own journeys. She uses her book, Cult Child, her art and poetry to convey what’s in her heart both now and when she was experiencing the trauma first hand.

It’s real, it’s raw, it’s vulnerable, and it’s all about not being ashamed of who she is and the message that she has for the world.

In this podcast we cover topics related to food and survivors:

  • Self Shame with how, when, and what we eat.
  • Why dieting doesn’t work for us
  • Reparenting ourselves when it comes to food
  • Moderation
  • Lifestyle Changes
  • and more!

As you listen to the show, we hope that you’ll feel validated and encouraged with the realization that you are not alone. The struggles of looking at ourselves in the mirror each day can be daunting, but it doesn’t have to be that way for the rest of your life.  Making small changes in our lifestyle and a conscious effort to give ourselves a break for a change, can be just the ticket towards finding that self-love and acceptance that’s been absent in our lives for so long.

This is the first in a series of how trauma manifests itself in adulthood, so be sure and watch for future episodes on other topics of being a survivor.

You can learn more about Vennie, her book “Cult Child”, check out her poetry and artwork, on VennieKocsis.com.  Be sure and follow her on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram as well, @VennieKocsis.

-Matthew Pappas

 

 

 

 

 

 

All conversation and information exchanged during participation on the Beyond Your Past Podcast, on BeyondYourPast.com, and BeyondYourPastRadio.com is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing on these podcasts or posted on the above mentioned websites are supplements for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers.